How easily I forget: The heart does grow bigger...

I'm often known to be more of the insensitive type, rarely sympathetic -- my closest friends know that it's not out of malice, it's just the way I am. But in the last couple of days, I've realized that the heart does grow bigger. Since Taylor has come into my life, my heart aches over things I normally wouldn't think twice about. I always thought that as a mother, I would have no problem practicing tough love. You hear your baby crying, let them cry for a while--it'll teach them patience. But hearing her cry hurts me so much, I can't let it go on for more than a few seconds.

Some of you may not know this yet, but Taylor was diagnosed with jaundice shortly after delivery. It's a pretty common illness -- 50% of newborns are diagnosed with jaundice and Asians are the most susceptible to it. It's a form of liver inadequacy which turns the skin yellow and can lead to more serious complications if not treated early on. During day two at the hospital, we were told about Taylor's jaundice and the necessity to keep her in an incubator which would transmit special light rays to treat the condition. In order for the treatment to be effective, the light would need to be exposed to as much bare skin as possible. As a result, we had to strip her down to her diapers, strap an eye mask on her to shield her eyes, and leave her in the incubator only being able to remove her to feed her or change her diapers. The first time we put her in there, she cried so fiercely it brought tears to my eyes.

Since our discharge, we've had to take her to the doctor every day to monitor her jaundice level. We were sent home with instructions to use a portable light treatment at home. The home treatment consists of a hard paddle which reflects the same light rays and requires direct contact with the skin. When we hold her, she has this long paddle sticking out of her clothes with a thick cord that looks like a tail. It doesn't seem to bother her much but it looks so uncomfortable. Good news is, since we've doubled up the paddles (one to her chest and one to her back) and started supplementing breast milk with formula, her jaundice level has started to decrease so hopefully, we can stop the treatment soon.

Ok, on to happier postings. Here are some fun pictures to share with you! I swear Taylor's face changes with every day--Paul and I constantly talk about who she looks like. Paul and I look very similar so it's hard to tell but it's funny to be able to pinpoint some things that definitely resemble one over the other.

She has my forehead,